Hidden Smile
by Northernryu
Summary: Kagura&Kamui. Kamui... I loved you so much...You were so nice to me. You weren't the type of person who would kill anyone so carelessly. Did you really change...? I want to see that smile of yours again... your true smile... Would I ever see it again...?


Disclaimer. Gintama nor the characters of Gintama are owned by me. They are owned by Sorachi Hideaki

**-KAMUI-**

The sound of rain drums my ears so loud that it hurts.

But the clear voice that comes out from those pair of smooth lips erases the annoying sound of rain, far away.

"Are you hungry?"

Nodding makes those lips curve into a warm smile.

But the umbrella is in the way, and I can't see the face...

My favourite sweets, a sweet dumpling called Mitarashi dango.

I feel the overwhelming happiness over come me.

The small hand I have that's receiving the dumpling is so small compared to the big hands that did not belong to mine.

It was the difference of gender, of age, and of the vessel we had within ourselves.

My insides grow warm with the feeling of the protective large hands enclosing mine.

"You're not going to be able to eat like that,"

A gentle laugh floats in the air.

I loosen the grip and open the packet of Mitarashi dango I had held dearly, close to me.

"I hope it tastes good"

I nod vigorously, and receive a smile.

"Can I have one too?"

The dumpling is brought to the smiling lips that open up.

The smile returns again after the mouthful.

"It really does taste good"

Gentle voice directed at me.

But I still can't see the face. I want to see the face. The lovingly gentle, smiling face.

The cold raindrops start staining my clothes into a darker colour.

From my bangs, little droplets of water slide along and down onto my lap.

"What are you doing? You're going to catch a cold like that."

The gentle voice sounds worried. I can imagine his brows furrowing with concerning eyes.

But even if that face is right in front of me, I can't see it.

I can't see it at all.

I want to see it.

_It's broken, my umbrella._

I say in a tiny voice, but it is heard.

The strong, protective and gentle arms drape over my shoulders and I am pulled towards that person.

"Then let's use mine together"

I see it. I see it now.

The soft features of that warm, smiling face that comforts me.

Such beautiful, vibrant blue eyes that looks straight at me.

The feeling of love seeping through my entire body and my insides feel so warm that the drenching wetness can no long be felt.

The smile forms on my lips and it's hard not to stop smiling so widely from happiness.

I feel happiness...

A happiness that I wish that would last forever...

* * *

"You're afraid of me now, aren't you?"

The less vibrant eyes filled with sadness hide among the bangs.

I shake my head to and fro that should be seen by the corner of those eyes.

I can't allow myself to look up at him or let his eyes fix up on me.

Because I'm scared.

It's not because that I was scared of seeing the once bloodied face.

It's not because those once protective hands, can turn into a deadly weapon.

It was because I felt that I am going to lose these gentle, warm hands that held my small, weak hand of mine.

It was because I felt that I was never going to be able to see the vibrant blue eyes that looked at me so softly.

It was because I felt that I was never going to receive that lovingly warm smile that I loved the most.

When I think that this might be the last of seeing all that, my heart feels like its going to rip apart.

...

Why did this happen...?

I held onto the hand, which was closing in on the time of when we had to let go, harder.

As usual we walk side by side, under one umbrella.

The tears start falling and I can't stop it from flowing.

The sadness wells up inside of me too strong.

The stairs leading downwards is seen and the two pairs of feet stop into a halt.

"This is it..."

The farewell greeting is said with that soft voice, though the warm hand doesn't seem to want to let go at all.

_Why...?_

Silence falls upon us and his warm, big hand tries to send a silent message to mine.

But the silence doesn't last for long and with one last tight squeeze, the hand lets go of mine with the one word I didn't want to hear.

"Sorry..."

Without being able to see his face, his eyes or his lips, he faces his back towards me and it starts to move further away from me each step.

No. I don't want you to go...

I don't want us to separate...

I don't want you to leave...

_Don't go..._

The voice is too quiet and it doesn't reach his ears.

_Don't go..._

I feel like something is stuck in my throat and I can't speak properly.

But like this, I will never be able to see him again.

_Don't go! Don't go anywhere!_

The voice reaches and ignorance can't be made.

The footsteps stop and the face slightly look up towards me.

But once again, I can only see those lips.

"Don't worry... I won't kill you"

For the last time, those lips form into a smile that is directed for me.

No...That's not what I want you to say.

I'm not afraid of you. I'm not. So just stay with me.

Don't go anywhere.

_Don't go! Don't leave me all alone!_

_I can't live by myself! I need you, so please... please..._

My throat gets stuck and I can't produce any sound.

The tears won't stop.

My vision starts to blur from the hot tears.

The last words come out from his mouth...

"Sorry, Kagura..."

The sorrow filled voice echoes deeply within me and I felt the end of something.

With my sadness consuming my whole body, I scream out, one last time.

_KAMUI!_

_

* * *

_

＊＊＊

A girl gasps and ravishingly pulls her covers off herself as she wakes up from a dream.

Drops of sweat run down along her chin and she calms her hard breathing after she realises where she is.

Her legs slide up and are brought close to her as she hugs them and lean her head against her knees, trying not to allow the depression rule her face.

She dared herself not to let any tears escape from her eyes.

It seemed that the reuniting with Kamui brought back old memories of the past.

She calms down her welling up emotions unsuccessfully and sits up straight.

Her heart still feels tight and painful as she remembers the Kamui she met in the Yoshiwara. He was very different to the Kamui she knew.

"Kamui... have you really changed that much...?

Do you...not even remember the past anymore?"

Kagura stares into her palm and reminisce the warmth of those gentle hands of Kamui's.

"I want...t-"

"Good morning!"

Shinpachi's loud voice rings in the dusty room of Yorozuya as he enters.

Kagura shakes her head as if to get rid of unneeded thoughts or emotion and slapped her face to wake up from the depression. She pulls on her best smile and open her door to greet Shinpachi.

And so, Kagura starts her daily life again with Gintoki and Shinpachi.

She didn't know where in space Kamui might be, but she kept her longing for her elder brother, tucked away deep within her heart.

"Customer... are you here to buy anything? You are standing there for awhile now..."

The person had been standing outside the shop in heavy rain for hours now.

The raises his umbrella up a little, to speak to the shopkeeper, although only his mouth was visible to him.

"No, I'm not going to buy anything."

The person moves his feet and slowly walks away from the shop while talking to himself.

"I keep my favourites to last."

And soon another figure was beside him, walking with him to their next destination.

Wherever that other person came from, who had a similar umbrella, held with the one hand he had, asked the other a question.

"Dancho (Captain), since when was sweet dumpling your favourite food? It doesn't seem like you."

"Since from a long time, and it's not just any dumpling...

My favourite is Mitarashi dango."


End file.
